be the snake: eat yourself - The Global Tofay

be the snake: eat yourself – was first published a couple of years ago on All Signal. (monicacassani.com) The Ouroboros snake symbol is a live metaphor for my somatic process. I am posting it here in the event that it resonates with others. If it does I’d love to discuss. The facebook page or the comment section on this site are both available.

auto-immune illness, chronic illness, withdrawal illness (how it’s all linked for me)

I learned “auto-immune” meant my system was in over-drive all the time because it was fighting real infections. Western medicine says that auto-immune means the body is hurting itself. For me this was untrue. My body was fighting and waiting for me to start cooperating.

Infections that are locked up in biofilm don’t show up on labs.

It does not make them any less real. They become much more dangerous because the medical system denies their existence and tells many people with “unexplained” chronic issues that they are delusional. Shameful.

Biofilm encased infections can vary from completely harmless and contained to raging insanity. Pharma in my instance (and the ensuing withdrawal illness) created outrageous opportunistic infections. The stuff in biofilm is, in general, anti-biotic resistant hence chronicity of all sorts can develop.

I’ve never regretted giving up on getting diagnosed.

What I’ve learned as an undiagnosed chronically ill person (auto-immune and “lyme disease” like stuff secondary to heavy pharmaceutical withdrawal) is that all chronic illness is similar in fundamental ways…symptomatology varies and crosses over within the lifetime of those who deal with chronic conditions regardless of diagnosis. Believing one has something specific is detrimental to getting well quite often and most certainly was for me.

UPDATE: since writing I tested positive for the bacteria associated with lyme disease. My general stance on chronic illness has not changed. The diagnosis helps occasionally when I need it to speak with the medical establishment. I remain skeptical about it’s real value. See: Lyme, HIV, Chronic Illness: somatic connection and
Chronic Lyme Misconceptions, Complexity and Diversity

I’ve spent a lot of time in chronic illness scenes and seen massive amounts of cross-over. Very few people know this but slowly I meet more that do. We venture forth learning to listen to our own unique bodies. Learning from everyone with who suffers while leaving dogma behind.

I am free.

In silence I sometimes “hear” words – it’s not exactly thinking because when centered in the quiet, words suggest to me what to do to heal the chaos that is “auto-immune,” “chronically ill” body. The physical reality is real – so is the gentle guidance. A psychiatrist would call this insanity. I call it connection, intuition, peace and love.

Waking up and healing the body of that which gets called autoimmune, chronic illness etc. – are destructive processes that then require rebuilding of both body and psyche. Healing, as an act of both destruction and creation, requires Kali energy.

Kali – be the snake: eat yourself.

When it comes to food sensitivities I learned that which I don’t tolerate the most is often (not always) what I also need the most…a paradox and razors edge to work with. The intolerance is real and physiological. Sometimes even life-threatening.

How this all comes to be and then how we undo it as we learn to listen to the body is fascinating.

It’s beautiful too and also horrifying to learn how in the dark most everyone is. For me it’s also been a potentially deadly process and there has been no societal support whatsoever. I would be dead or, if caught and unlucky, an institutionalized zombie without the support of my loving partner who sees that I am aware and clear as I heal bodily issues that society abandons and kills people for. Folks without houses, many of the so-called drug-addicted (people coping as best they can given their circumstances) and the so-called seriously and chronically mentally ill have versions of this sort of stuff going on. And what is this stuff? Mostly the microbiome gone awry. The microbiome is not just in the gut…it’s all over the body and brain and when it’s gravely imbalanced all manner of illness comes to be. This has been my experience as I learn to heal in continued awareness of this body that this awareness finds itself in.

Layers of delusion and dissociation have been directly correlated with seriously imbalanced viral and bacteria colonies and other issues with biofilm matrices in the body. All these little beings have consciousness after all! As I have cleansed (detoxed) I’ve been healed of long-standing autoimmune disease as well as brain injury. The journey continues as it’s a layered process of self-discovery…it took a lifetime to build and so it takes much time to untangle.

“Mental health issues” associated with trauma also clear up as the layers of dissociation disappear with the biofilm matrices. The word “disappear” while true, belies the real work involved in letting go. This is an emotional/spiritual process and a physical one. No separation. Trauma and family and societal dysfunction are all critical parts of how all of this stuff gets embodied in the sensitive individual. And really everybody…we simply deal with it in a multitude of ways. Remember the title of my last work: Everything Matters.

I feel the spirochete — lyme “disease” causing bacteria like a spiral snake…kundalini, no less, clearing out my body like KALI…goddess of destruction and creation

This is what I feel and sense during my somatic meditations. After years of contemplation a theory has come together:

TD is a complex biofilm that winds itself into the brain and contains multiple pathogens. Viral, fungal, bacterial in general and it’s also loaded with the Lyme disease spirochete. I recognize the various parts and treat the spiraling monster accordingly. I need to meet it each day in a brand new way as it’s constantly moving about. My body helps me with information that allows me to slowly dismantle, kill, detoxify, and most importantly rebuild. The rebuilding is often torn down because there is so much to dismantle. It’s rebuild, tear down, detox and rebuild again. Over and over again. I do feel improvements. It is simply a very long, tedious, painful and often dangerous process.

The pharmaceutical drugs I took suppressed my detox system for decades, causing severe damage to the blood-brain barrier.

They also caused the biofilm to harden and layer making it very hard to break up by any means. The process of eliminating it requires rehydrating the biofilm mass and gradually detoxifying the body through various methods such as consuming cleansing foods, herbs, and engaging in physical activity. For me that is mostly yoga, walking and when I’ve been able, ecstatic dance.

Due to over 20 years of suppression, the layers of toxins continue to emerge slowly as it’s essentially brought back to life. The thing is, left there it disables. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.

It remains a highly resisitant infection to all antibiotics, foods, herbs etc…it’s an ingenious formation not meant to ever leave…it’s a colonization that is absolute and in every single cell of the body

I can follow its’ channels throughout my entire body.

It’s most dense on the right side and there are large colonies/pockets etc in the colon, the solar plexus area, the entire chest and then thoughout my mouth and brain. All extremities are effected as well with more diffuse colonization.

Lastly, I experience snake-like movement via the TD in my face. I’ve come to think that kundalini which also uses the snake symbol is likely a microbiome driven process and I have too many of those bugs because of the psych drugs! In any case, working with the snake (the bugs in my body) is a healing process. Whether I make it in this lifetime with these injuries is another question.