If you create a bad impact, a good apology can fix it. Take responsibility without being personal: I’m sorry that what I said caused you stress. I didn’t mean it that way. An apology clears the air to put two people back in trusting relationship. Learning to apologize is an important skill if you want to get on with people. Building bridges always helps, and later I’ll explain about the importance of good feelings underneath.
Definitions
INTENT is what you want to get across to someone else; what you want to do for them or what information you wish to share. Your intentions are based on your thoughts, your feelings, your cultural context and on your particular worldview.
We tend to assume that our intentions are always good. As a psychiatrist, I know that they may not always be good and we may not always realize this. Unconsciously, we may harbor ill intentions, and sometimes these slip out.
As far as possible, keep your intentions good.
IMPACT is how someone actually receives the information from you. It is how you affect them. Beyond your intention and words, the impact they receive is based on their thoughts, feelings, culture and worldview.
Another person can’t read your mind and they can’t ever be sure about your intentions. Your good intentions can be misread, or your unconscious ill-intention may be read correctly, and either can lead to an adverse impact.
As far as possible, aim for a positive impact on others.
Normally, your good intentions will have a good impact on others; no problem.
Your bad intentions will have a bad impact on others; so be careful.
Problems arise when your good intentions have an unintended bad impact. This can surprise you, but in a world of diverse cultures, sex and gender expressions, and diverse world-views, religions and beliefs, good intentions surprisingly often lead to bad impacts. You may have to choose your words carefully.
Aim: Good Intention, Good Impact
As a doctor, normally my good intention results in good outcomes: I intend to treat someone so they recover from an illness and they do. Sometimes, however, my good intentions lead to an adverse impact: somebody suffers a medication side-effect, a complication or, despite my best efforts, they don’t recover well-enough. I need to prepare people for adverse outcomes; but if they happen, I listen, apologize if necessary, and go back to the drawing board to see what can be done. Always, I care about the person. This approach will get the best possible outcomes. I aim to keep good feelings underneath and not to take complaints or criticisms personally, but sometimes I do. Criticisms are information to help me do better next time.
Aim: Listen + Apologize when needed + Don’t take things personally + Care.
These keys help build a bridge to others. With that bridge, you can have another go at a good impact. Listen attentively, apologize sincerely, and build a bridge to do wonders in messy situations. These give you a second chance at a good impact.
Take Care
Dr Christian Heim
#Intent #Impact #Christian #Heim #Preventative #Mental #Health
